OCD, Racism and Infidelity

I was reading an interesting article last night on OCD (Obesessive Compulsive Disorder) and ways they are looking at helping people overcome it. There are a variety of therapies which can be employed and often drugs such as Prozac are prescribed.

Everytime I hear about Prozac, it kind of gets my back up. My understanding is that Utah has one of the highest rates of Prozac use in the nation and I would suspect the world. I don't doubt that depression is real, I get mild bouts of it from time to time as well, but I don't think that using mind altering drugs is the way to fix it. Probably the biggest reason is that it doesn't fix it, it just masks the problem.

As I read through the article I realized that I have had OCD tendancies in the past. The running joke at work now is that I have OCD when it comes to my fitness and triathon racing, but according to the article, that's not a case of OCD - although it may be a case of addiction, but thats another topic. OCD specifically refers to behaviors which the person does but does not want to do. One example they shared was locking your car, walking away wondering if you had locked it, returning, locking the door, walking away, wondering if you only imagined locking the door, and so on and so on. Actually I used to be a lot like this. I thought I was paranoid or something, but even after I'd checked 3 or 4 times, I'd spend the rest of the time convinced I would return to find the car stripped or even stolen.

I've been through some changes in the last few years. I was raised in an incredibly strict mormon home. My parents converted right before my birth and take their religion very seriously. I used to as well. I've always had a tendency to question things, and a few years back while working for the Church itself, I started to question things on a much deeper level, which apparently caused them a great deal of stress. My mother grew very concerned about me and would often send emails, talking about how she was praying for me and had put my name on the temple prayer rolls and stuff. After one particularly 'caring' email, I made the comment that I had come to realize that Church leaders were not perfect and that we all have our own free agency to choose the path we want to follow. The response from that email was mind-blowing. Apparently the term "Free Agency" set off all kinds of alarm bells. I was accused of following Satan down to hell and cautioned that I was obligated to follow my Church leaders without question. I shouldn't call it Free Agency, but simply agency, because there was absolutely nothing free about it.

Here's how I see things. I don't think this is the official LDS doctrine, but this is how it is taught, lived and believed by many faithful members.

God is an all powerful, all knowing and just God. If you offend him, he will cast you out of his presence without so much as a second thought. He may be referred to as loving, but love has absolutely nothing to do with it. He demands strict obedience, and will give directions to you only through leaders in his Church. Being a faithful member of the Church requires that you sacrifice everything to follow those leaders instructions with exactness and without question. Entering into the rest of God happens when you wholeheatedly accept the Lords leaders and choose to follow them exactly.

That sounds just like Islam, except I don't think the prophet has asked any young men to fly planes into buildings - at least not yet.

I've chosen to take a different path. I see God as an all powerful and loving God, who realizes that the only way we can learn something is by experience. I see this life as an opportunity to gain some of that experience. It an opportunity to grow, not a chance for God to pick who he likes and who he doesn't.

I don't think God has a great deal of interest in our everyday lives - I don't mean he doesn't care, but his caring allows him to step back and let things happen. I think he's a very hands off guy (or gal!!) I think he realizes that this is the only way for us to grow and develop.

There is a whole lot more to it than that, but that is the cliff-notes version. Since changing my way of thinking to this, I've noticed a number of changes:

1. I trust myself a lot more. And I trust those around me more. I think most people are basically good and trying to do things for the right reason. I don't trust people who have to justify their requests by referencing their specific position in the Church though.

2. I feel connected to the rest of the world. It's no longer about me versus them, or me being part of God true Church and them being heathens. Perhaps I should elaborate my thoughts on this a little...

Traditional Christianity holds the belief that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, lived a perfect live and then died as a way to pay for our sins. I think a lot of the stories in the bible are parables to teach a principle and were not necesasarily based on true events. Having a story that begins with a virgin giving birth appears to me to be a subtle way of letting the reader know that this isn't a real story... There may have been a person called Christ, but that's not what the story is about.

The story of Christ is about how we treat those around us. It's about being reborn as a new person when we realize that we are not mere mortals, but eternal spirits in a temporary human existence. This is a huge tangent that perhaps I should go into more at another time, but the thought I would like to go back to, is that each of us fill the role of Christ in our own lives. When the bible talks about the Church being the body of Christ. That means I am my own Church, I am my own true Church, and the same is true for everyone around me - Woah!! Talk about digression.

3. I think several years ago, I may well have fallen into the trap of infidelity, given the right (or wrong) circumstances. Not that I didn't love my wife at the time, but I didn't trust myself and wasn't in control of myself. No chance of that happening now.

4. I realized that my OCD tendencies for locking things up and being a little bit of a germaphobe (sp?) have gone as well.

Ultimately I am far more in control of me. I feel more confident, am healthier and am far more excited for life than I have ever been.

If my parents read this, there is no doubt in my mind that my local Church leaders would be getting phone calls. Family members would be fasting and praying on my behalf and every opportunity to help my kids escape my evil influence would be taken.

I'm just not sure how being the best I can be, taking control of my life and loving everyone around me, regardless of race, color, creed or anything else is a bad thing...