A lot of people try to put together guides when they leave Mormonism, and despite what I'm going to say here, I applaud their efforts. I've thought about doing the same, but it just hasn't felt right.
I've seen a few interesting things happen in online communities with my fellow apostates lately and I'm starting to figure out something.
Now... This is just my opinion, but...
Mormons who leave like to look for someone to show them the way. Someone to answer the question of... How to I leave? How to I tell people? How do I interact with non-mormons? What underwear do I wear? How do I order coffee? What is the right way to order a drink when I'm out?
So, so, so many questions.
I've been looking for that person for a while, and I've found them from time to time, but it's never to total package.
And that's the thing I think I've figured out...
Leaving Mormonism isn't about having someone tell you how to do it. That's what Mormonism is. Blind obedience to a bunch of old men who think they know better than you. And when you leave and look for another guide, all you're doing is replacing them with someone else.
The best part about leaving Mormonism is not having the faintest clue about how to live your life. It's about standing in the coffee shop and staring at the menu cluelessly before mispronouncing the name of a fancy latte mochachino and the adding way too much sugar and cream (although I would add that I don't think you can ever have too much!).
It's about realizing that you know nothing, admitting that you know nothing and then realizing that you hold in your hands the greatest thing in the world...
You hold your destiny and your life in your own hands, and you get to discover this world on your own. Friends will help you along the way, and advice may change your mind from time to time, but at the end of the day, it all comes down to you.
I know nothing and I'm OK with that, and I'm excited to figure it all out in my own time and in my own way...
AND THAT CONCEPT ROCKS!!!
I'm still only "temple worthy" for the sake of my job- temple recommends are the mark of the beast, after all- but once I can secure a job outside of the church I plan to burn my recommend. In the meantime, I've met and communicated with some great people who have been working to expose the seedy underground that the church is involved in, but at least they always remind me to look for my own way. For now, I've definitely broken away from the group of lemmings who want to "follow the prophet" over the edge of the upcoming cliff.
ReplyDelete"It's about realizing that you know nothing, admitting that you know nothing and then realizing that you hold in your hands the greatest thing in the world ... You hold your destiny and your life in your own hands, and you get to discover this world on your own."
ReplyDeleteThis is the frighening, beautiful, exhilarating realization that apostates come to, regardless of what religion they're escaping. There is no thrill, no greater freedom quite like realizing that your life is YOURS to live!
I love this! It is so true. I thought I was the only stoop who didn't know how to order coffee! I was mortified standing in that Starbucks! Leaving is liberating to say the least.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I remembered my old favorites from before I joined the church. My tastes have changed a bit, but it was pretty easy to remember what I 'used to' like to eat, drink, and wear.
ReplyDeleteI like your perspective. It's as if you have the whole world ahead of you. I guess that IS pretty exciting.
I should've introduced myself like this earlier:
ReplyDeleteMy name is Dave P., I'm still a Mormon (though in name only at this point for logistical reasons), but I'm looking to enjoy a good beer.
(I love telling TBMs that beer is actually part of the DO list in the Word of Wisdom. Cracks me up every time.)
It's not a scary thought anymore. Now that I know I'm not in the deep dark pits of hell and despair (like I thought would happen if I left the church). Sadness comes, but I realize it's mainly due to having family not understand me. But the feeling of freedom to choose and act according to my own integrity is an awesome liberating feeling.
ReplyDeleteLOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post. I can't tell you how many times I stared at a Starbucks menu, or froze at a bartender asking me, "what'll you have?"
ReplyDeleteAnd stood like a deer in the headlights at the question, "So what DO you believe?"
How awesome it is to have to make it up as I go along and figure it out all by myself.
You nailed it Mr. Koda! And I love all the comments.
ReplyDeleteOh, BTW, Koda, you're not brewing your coffee strong enough. Here, let me do it for you. j/k LOL!
A good way not to feel intimidated by the "what'll you have?" question is to not care about the names of things and just simply describe what your in the mood for. i.e. "Something that's fruity and light" or "Something with a really strong malt favor that's sweet and filling" or "What have you got that has rum in it?" etc. Let them suggest, try it, if you don't like it, no one will care, some bartenders will even give free samples and help you narrow down what you want. Especially when you go to a place where the drink/wine/beer selection is a one inch thick book! LOL! You'll find that the bartenders don't even know most of the stuff in them. You'll also find that bartenders LOVE to talk about all the nuances of different drinks. I think it really flatters them. LOL!
There is nothing wrong with asking for advice, but sometimes we do get caught up wanting more than advice. We want clear answers about how it all works. We forget that we are all looking for the same thing but, how we see it will look completely different than the next person. Someone can suggest what worked for them, but that doesn't mean it will work for you. Try it, if it worked great, if it doesn't try something else. That was something that just wasn't part of the plan in the church.
If I could only get them to take me off their damn records! I'm not sure what my next step is going to be... I sent a letter to the editor of the Idaho Falls newspaper about it. Hoping that will get published and I can send a copy to Mr. Dodge. Assholes.
ReplyDeleteI don't think seeking advice is the same thing as blindly doing what you're told. People need support during that rough transition. And if the suffering of one exmo can help another newly exmo have an easier time with their family, I'm all for it.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Heather! Seeking support and advice is vastly different from seeking out someone to tell you what to do.
ReplyDeleteI've greatly benefited from advice and support, but there were times, when I found myself desperately seeking someone to tell me exactly what to do.