So I wrote a post yesterday posing a question with regard to my relationship with an organization. I really appreciate everyone's responses. They've given me much to think about and consider. Interestingly enough, less than an hour after posting the original article, a representative from the organization contacted me, something which hasn't happened in more than 6 months.
If you're interested in seeing how this all fits together, I'd encourage you to read the post from yesterday, entitled "Questions..."
There were 3 responses and it was interesting to see how they approached the problem. I should add first that the organization in question is not the religion in which I was raised. While the status of the relationship that pertains to is still evolving, that decision was actually made more than a year ago.
Anyway... The first response was from a person with a sincere interest in the organization. It encompassed taking a slower more definite approach to organization and trying to remove emotion from the problem. Its a good approach to take, and actually removing the emotion from the question was kind of my intent with posting a cryptic question online for strangers to see.
The second response was from someone outside of the organization. Aside from using the most awesome analogy in world history - a triathlon, it made sense from two aspects. I think the intent of the first was that the organization really doesn't care if I'm in or out. The second was to take care of the problem now, and not wait for it to fester and get worse. It's an excellent response as well.
Actually I'd highly recommend reading them both!
The final response came from another most appreciated reader of the blog, who expressed support and encouragement.
Alright are you ready for the bombshell....
The organization in question is my own flesh and blood. My extended family.
Those of you who were with me through the dark days earlier this year when I had to take my blog into stealth mode know some of what went on. It wasn't pretty and there's still a lot of bad feeling.
It's highly possible it could be worked through, but there is another possible outcome and I REALLLLY don't want to go there. You see Mormons don't like when you leave the fold and if it's family it's often very personal. I can fully appreciate why, but often that concern changes into continued harassment and sadly that's right up the alley for my extended family. That and it gets couple with a lot of backbiting and speaking about you behind you back - but hey, that's already happening!
I don't hate them or anything, but I really don't want to have to go through all the crap if they decide to try and save my soul.
Anyway, so... While I think the pebble analogy was likely the best, since it involves blood it complicates matters. The pebble analogy is good though, because it would indicate that I take care of it sooner rather than later as well.
I'm working on possible solutions, but I'm not looking forward to it. Kind a wish I could just bury my head in the sand and let it pass, but that ain't going to happen!
If it's "highly possible it could be worked through" then I say do your damnedest to get there. Abinadi thought he was ineffective too and he paid a high price for not abandoning his purpose, but he did turn one heart, Alma's, and look what happened because of that.
ReplyDeleteGood point, except... I'd rather not end up burnt at the stake!!
ReplyDeleteMy father has somewhere in the neighborhood of five or six siblings. Each of them have an untold number of children (cousins to me). And, I don't know a single one of them.
ReplyDeleteMy father's family background involves extreme alcohol abuse. My father and mother made a few attempts over the years for the cousins to get together, but ultimately decided "keeping the family together" would come at a price that was too dear to pay. Thus, my older siblings met my extended family as youngsters, but my being kid number four, I never met any of them.
Those are the only details I received or cared to know. I don't feel less well off for having not known them. In fact, I don't feel anything for them. I trust my father and mother made the best decision they could at the time given the information they had. They chose to break the cycle of alcoholism's effect on their family and walked away. Is your family a large or small pebble?
On a side note, I was on Hulu.com the other night looking to be entertained. Found a movie called "strictly sexual". I highly recommend you don't watch it, except for one part. One of the characters talks about when he turned 17 and left his family and hasn't looked back. He commented how there were no hard feelings held by him, rather an awareness that he and his parents would never get along or see eye to eye...and the wonderful thing about this life is that we DON'T HAVE TO!
I've had the opportunity to evaluate the power of blood relationships in my family. Blood is not a free pass to treat others like shit, no matter how right you/they are. Blood is no reason to allow yourself to be treated like shit perpetually....especially when there are so many healthy and loving "water" relationships to be had.
The organizational variable only serves to clutter, confuse, and delay the decision you have already made. Try substituting organization "X" for organization "Y", with X being your family and Y being any other group. The decision becomes more obvious and easier to implement the further Y is removed from a blood relationship, but no less right or wrong. Truth is truth, right is right, and wrong is wrong. Good luck Koda!
Thanks OffGrid - I actually read through that on Friday night, and then a couple of times since.
ReplyDeleteI think the hard thing for me is trying to determine if there is indeed danger in the relationship and if it warrants either pursuit or dissolution.
Not having to speak to the primary players in the game has actually been a huge relief over most of the past year.
Maybe I just need to let it simmer a little more and see what comes of it.