I read a post on PostMormon this morning that got me thinking.
Basically it started with a woman who is concerned about her kids. She has a handful of them between the ages of 20 and 30 and they're struggling to find people to date and hang out with.
They're not comfortable at Church activities and they're not really into the bar scene.
Some good suggestions were made, but then someone made a comment about how too many ex-mormons in Utah complain about the lack of social life in Utah, and in his/her experience, Utah's social life was actually pretty good.
I think he may have something there, and it got me thinking...
Mormons don't know how to interact in the normal world.
Just from my own experience...
I don't know how to be a good neighbor. I know all the Churchy stuff, but when you take Mormonism out of the equation, I'm lost.
It's part of the reason I want to move. So I can be a good neighbor without it being through a church - kind of like the School of Hard Knocks approach.
Speak of that school, that was how I learned to date. Mormons don't really learn that stuff - at least I didn't. I picked it up while hanging out with my nevermo friends for a couple of years.
I just lucked out with Mrs Koda, and if she were ever to leave... I think I'd be screwed.
I could go on, but it'll just be more of the same. Once you leave Mormonism, you can kind of function in normal society, but it's hard to know how.
I think they need to have a class on it in the night school program or something!
A night school class might be just the ticket!
ReplyDeleteI think you just need to give yourself the chance to live and be you, and you'll find out that the natural "you" is pretty great. Give yourself some time. Your brain is programmed to think you can't function positively without the church, but you'll find out that that's wrong.
ReplyDeleteI've been attending a support group in Utah County that helps us deal with our transition out of Mormonism, and in turn we help others who are going through the fragile first stages of discovery. It's a tough transition for some people and for me, it's a several year long process because of the family set-backs. Sometimes I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it's completely closed off. It's a continual learning experience, but give yourself some credit for making choices based on your own integrity.
I totally wish there was a class I could take or something. Dating would be a freakin' nightmare for me since I'm not into the bar scene, I'm a homebody, and I don't do any sort of church thing. :/ I have no clue how to meet people.
ReplyDeleteThanks Fanny! I've actually found I like myself a lot more since leaving - I actually remind myself a lot of the kid I was before I went on mission - just without the sexism and the homophobia.
ReplyDeleteI think my problem is know how to connect with people on an emotional level. And it may not be entirely religion based problem for me either - some of it may have to do with my familial background. I just really struggle to form those connections. Maybe it's a trust issue too.
TGW - speaking of interacting... I just took over the Post-Mormon/CALM group in our area - hoping to get some regular meetings going soon, and we were thinking of forming a bookclub or something similar too. We could even do wine/beer tasting in conjunction with the book club, but perhaps we'll hold off on that last part for a while - I read Bowie's posting from the weekend :-)
So I just read this post and was going to say something about how I totally agree with you on the normal thing (I didn't post as That Girl but I agree with her), and the New Year's Eve party is a great example. We are kind of still figuring out the social drinking thing. At home it's easier to figure out how much is enough, but when I have someone handing my shots I just smile and drink it down. Sometimes that turns out bad:)
ReplyDeleteAlso, those CALM meetings sound awesome! Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteI was just looking into CALM in the SLC area, Koda. Keep me posted too!
ReplyDeletePerhaps a vacation outside of Utah, with opportunities to hang out in non-Mormon environments, could help?
ReplyDeleteHow funny - me too! And I live in CA in a very non-mo area. My new next door neighbors rang my doorbell, delivered Christmas treats and I just stood there thinking "Oh no! They're LDS!" I'm fairly certain they're not, but I was so awkward.
ReplyDeleteI'm honestly flummoxed in no-mo social situations. I have to admit that a drink helps. No more than 2 and I'm good.