Paranoia - Justified or Healthy?

Mrs Koda and I discussed our paranoia over the weekend, more particularly mine, but it is something we both share to some extent.

Walking away from the LDS Church, and I would suspect any fundamentalist type religious organization is easier said than done. What makes it extra difficult for Mrs. Koda and myself is that both of us were Mormon missionaries at one point in our lives, and as such, part of what we did was to visit with, and try to reactivate those who had left the fold.

Add on to that the fact, that since we've returned from our respective missions, and been involved with the organization, we've both held various leadership positions. As part of those responsibilities, we've been in meetings where those who've strayed are discussed, and tactics to rekindle their lost flames have been discussed.

In the movies Singles Ward (I tried to find the clip), the main character who's drifted has the following quote (Excuse me while I butcher it!)

I was like the spy who had defected. I knew my motherlands covert tactics, and they would not be used against me.

So that's were we sit. We know we're not active any more, they know we're not active any more. We know why we're not, but they don't, and so...

First they're going to be sitting around trying to figure that out. Excuses given will likely include a pornography addictions, extra-marital affairs, or some other nefarious sin on my or both of our parts. They could also suppose that I've been offended by something they or someone in the ward has done, and I was just too sensitive to it. I could probably fill pages about supposed sins we've committed that have caused us to drift from the truth - in reality, the actual truth has lead us hear, but that opens a whole other can of worms!!

It would appear that has already been done, and so they're moving on to step two...

Step 2 - Tactics... It begins with personal invitations to Church activities. The wife has been personally invited to go with one of the old ladies to a couple of the ladies meetings. I've been told to skip the gym a couple of times a week to play basketball with my fellow brethren. And there have been a host of other invites or personal, rather than a note on the door, like the "good" members get.

There have also been requested for me to meet with the EQ President for a PPI (Personal Progress/Priesthood Interview), but as I told my wife, my PP is none of his damn business! And then the bishop and the EQ President wanted to come over for a visit as well a while back too.

The problem is, that with all of this going on, when neighbors offer to do something nice for us now, we're constantly reading something into it, which may or may not be there...

And to add a twist of irony to it, we're terrified of trying to enhance our relationships to neighbors who don't attend services, because we're worried they'll see our attempts at friendship the same way we're viewing those of the leadership.

We're terrified of interactions with family involving the Church, terrified of our neighbors and all because of an organization which used to pride itself on the freedom of the individual to make their own choices.

In some respects, the paranoia could save us from awkward situations, and little chats about how upset God is with our decisions, and so in that case it's healthy.

On the other hand though, it's starting to impact us negatively as well, as all interactions with families and neighbors are being filtered and carefully processed before we proceed, which is not healthy at all.

As I've stated before, the ultimate solution would be to move to a new area where the majority of people aren't LDS, and we can have a fresh start as normal people, but that is much easier said than done - Unless anyone has a sweet lead on a vacancy looking to be filled in Hawaii, California, Oregon, New Zealand or Australia for a Java/PHP developer....