I don't know what the stats are, but rumor has it that when a marriage involves one or both members of the marriage leaving their shared faith, the chances of a divorce occurring are higher.
Mrs Koda and I have always have a good marriage, despite the fact that on our wedding day, our level of intimacy went from complete and total abstinence to full blown sex (or as full blown as sex can be when you're clueless and performing about as well as a blind canary in a 3 dimensional maze.) and the fact that we did our duty to God and squeezed out 5 little Koda's in the first decade of our marriage. In an effort for full disclosure here - I wasn't as involved in squeezing them out as Mrs. Koda may have liked, and a couple of the five weren't exactly planned, but regardless...
As we turned off the lights and I snuggled up behind her last night, my arms around her and her arms wrapped around mine, I realized something...
I'm not with her because I need a partner to get into Heaven - It's part of Mormonism, and I can explain if I need to.
I'm not with her because I'm obligated to her because of the kids, or other obligations, or that I'm worried what people might think if we were to split up.
I'm with her, because I genuinely love her, and I enjoy being with her.
I kissed her on the neck, told her I loved her, and that I was glad we didn't just have a Mormon marriage holding us together. And with that we both closed our eyes and drifted off to sleep...
That is until Koda Kid #5, followed closely by Koda Kid #4 decided that two people in love, should not be allowed to spend a blissful and peaceful night together alone. But that's a whole other story.
aww,w that's so cool. yeah, my kids don't let us sleep in either even on weekends.
ReplyDeleteIt is wonderful when you and your spouse can be on the same page as far as church goes, and it doesn't divide you but it unites you. I'm so glad you and Mrs. Koda have such a great relationship. It just gets better and better!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that this little rumoured statistic does taunt me now and then. When we left the church I felt quite lost in some ways. I had lost my grounding, my 'motivators' (the good and the bad ones). I have been learning how to behave without the threat of damnation hanging over my head. I started to worry that if we had been able to do such a 180 in our religious views then what was stopping us doing the same thing with our marriage?? Irrational I know but it has bothered me a little now and then.
ReplyDeleteI see how much we have changed in the last 6 months and how much pressure we have been under as a result of leaving and I guess I should be reassured by the fact that we are still together and still happy despite the hardships. I guess my brain is just so ready to question everything now. (maybe too ready??).
Leaving the church meant that I lost a lot of friends but I am pretty sure that there is one friend who is even more committed now that we have taken this new step in our journey together.
I think it could be interesting to see a study into why post-mormon couples split, although I think it's a phenomenon likely shared by a number of the more fundamentalist religions.
ReplyDeleteI suspect part of the reason might be focus. It's a lot like members of the Church who seem to be so focused on what happens when they die, that they don't actually live their lives. They're just existing, holding out hope for a better day. I wonder if a lot of marriages aren't the same as well. Simply existing, hoping for a better day when this life is over.
It's definitely a shock to the system when that carrot is removed and you're thrust into reality, and perhaps that's were the problem arises. I think it can be avoided however by working on your marriage and living it in the present.
There are likely other reasons as well... The questioning thing is definitely a factor as well. Since I started this journey, my view towards money, my political leanings and even my view of the opposite sex have all shifted dramatically. All for the better though!