New Beginnings

I had a different post planned today, although the topic is kind of the same, but this one is more personal.

It's June first. A new month, and the month in which summer officially begins. I don't know about you, but I need a little heat once in a while. Like serious heat!

It's a new beginning of sorts for me. With Sunday's meeting behind me, I feel like except for my still being a member of record, I'm free of Mormonism, and I'm more than ready to move on.

With that moving on, it's time to change the blog... Now don't worry, the old stuff is going to stay here. It's an important part of who I am, and my journey thus far, but it's also a journey I've completed, and now it's time for something else.

I'm feeling invigorated and while I don't think any of the reasons I feel this way, are quite enough to invoke the feelings of intense exhilaration and zest for life I'm feeling, I'm not going to complain. I've already been asked by 2 people if I'm on something. And aside from being high on life, I've had to say no!

Some things which I've done so far:

A couple of years back, I got involved with a guy from Chicago and together we developed an application for HR Compensation Analysis. I did all the coding, and he provided the ideas and the marketing. It was supposed to be a 50/50 split... Until he saw dollar signs and ended up screwing me over. Unfortunately after 2 years of late nights, weekends hammering on the computer, and most tragically time lost with my kids, he finally took off with the code, and left me with just a very bitter taste in my mouth.

I tried to put it behind me, and finally met with some attorneys about it. They were OK, but kind of gave me the run around as well - and charged me for it too, before offering to take the case on a contingency basis. Long story short... After 6 months of trying to get some kind of progress report from them, they finally informed me last week that they wouldn't be able to help me after all, but that I should get another attorney as quickly as possible, since time is of the essence...

After carrying round all the voice mails, emails and what not for the past 3 years, hoping to find a resolution to this matter, it's time to let it go. My phone was wiped clean this morning, and I'll likely get rid of all the emails tonight. I may do something with the software in the future, but for now, its time to let it go.

It feels good!

I have a friend who committed suicide a little while back as well, and I finally removed myself from his Facebook friends this morning as well, and his number is gone from my phone as well.

Kind of a sad moment, but it's time to move on.

Those are negative things, but there is so much more positive going on...

Mrs. Koda and I seem to be getting on even better than usual, and I'm hoping this new era will help me become a better husband and father. I've spent so much time trying to set things up so I can be a better Dad to my kids in the future, that I've missed out on being a Dad to them now - Time to change that.

Ultimately the thing I'm most excited about is freedom...

I've been looking at switching jobs for a while, and although the right opportunity has yet to come along, some things are looking promising.

As I considered some options a while back, Mrs. Koda and I were talking. I remarked that as we considered the options that it would be nice to have some supreme being to whom I could asked the questions and receive a definitive answer....

At the time, I was just thinking about an easy way to get an answer, but I've realized since that there was a lot more involved.

If you subscribe to the idea that there is a God who controls ever aspect of our lives, then you kind of subscribe to the following...

You can approach God with a question, and convince yourself you've gotten and answer.

He takes the credit for the decision.

So you go with the answer you think he wants you to have. But it doesn't stop there...

If it ends up being the right choice, then you consider it a blessing, courtesy of God, and so now you are indebted to him.

If it ends up being the wrong choice, then God still gets credit, except that now, it's because he has something better for you to do, and this was his way of testing, challenging you.

There is a whole lot more to it that that, but ultimately you have no responsibility for your actions, and no choices.

Giving up God (And by so saying... If you have a belief in God, more power to you - this is just a personal thing for me...) has been the most liberating thing. I'll admit it can be a little scary. If I screw up now, it's all on me, but at the same time, I am the captain of my soul, I am the master of my fate.

I make the decisions now, and I deal with the consequences.

I could probably go on and on, but I'll spare you my overly enthusiastic exuberance about life.

It's a new day, a new month and the beginning of a whole new life for the Urban Koda!!!

Hell Freakin' Yeah!!!