Catalyst

If you're visiting this post from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, would you mind reading the post below this one first... I know you've been snooping around here, and I have included somethings there, which I think it would be important for you to read - just to clear up any confusion ;-)

Alrighty them... Let's get this party started! I'm going to start my story this past Sunday. I have a daughter who will be turning 8 this week, and as such is now eligible to be baptized and become a full blown member of the Mormon Church. She's been on the records since birth anyway, but that's another story.

Now I know that right off, many of you are likely raising your eyebrows and questioning my sanity. I am aware of why that fact might come as a surprise to you given the content of this blog, and I am painfully aware of the ethical implications of my acceptance and participation in that event as well.

There is no easy explanation here, but I'm going to try and provide one regardless...

My wife and I were both raised Mormon, and as such find ourselves part of a network of extended family members who remain devout members. Some on my side know about my disaffection, and as you probably know, they took the news very badly. I didn't mean for them to find out, suspecting that the reaction would not be good, and unfortunately they behaved much as I expected they would. In a religion that claims to promote families... Well, I'm sure you all know how I feel about that!

Most of the extended network however don't know the extent of my feelings towards the organization. Some are aware that I have some struggles, but that is about it, and most are completely unaware.

The thing is... For Mormons leaving the faith is perhaps the worst thing you could possibly do. Not only that, but by so doing you are destroying your family not only in this life, but in the life to come. In their minds... If I leave, and my wife ends up following me... They will never see her in the eternities, and when you belong to a religion that like many others is completely absorbed in the concept of an afterlife that is a big deal for them.

But lets look back at my child... Because ultimately she is the one who matters most here.

We live in a predominantly Mormon neighborhood. Everyone knows who the members are, who the less active members are, and who are not members. Many of the neighbors have problems allowing their kids to play with the kids of non-members, and as I have blogged before, an ex-member is the next best thing to Satan or a mass murderer.

The impact on my children should I openly come out against the Church is that they will be shunned socially amongst many of the neighborhood kids. And the tragedy there is that neither they, nor the kids shunning them will have any idea why, it'll just be imposed upon them by the adults.

This impact will likely be felt at school as well, and should we continue this charade and reside in Utah until their teenage years, it will no doubt have an serious affect on their ability to date as well. Unless you include girls with Daddy issues, in which case, my son may end up being a hot commodity!

All that aside, the other side of the coin is that by allowing my daughter to get baptized, I will in effect by allowing her to become more fully involved in something which vehemently disagree with.

So there's the dilemma, allow my kids to be socially discriminated against and upset the extended family, or lie to my daughter...

I know the right answer, but at the same time it's not an easy decision to make.

Judge me if you will, but I opted to allow her to get baptized. Not only that, but since traditionally in Mormon families, the father is responsible to perform this ordinance for their kids, I made the decision to perform said baptism as well.

Now, this raises additional concerns which I'm not going to go into right now, but the crux of the matter is... When the time comes that I need to sit down with her and explain why I went along with the charade, I believe that it is important that I take 100% of the responsibility myself. I want to explain to her the reasons why I did what I did, and not involve another family member in the mess.

So, for the past year, I have been performing my calling at Church faithfully, and aside from my feelings of doubt about the divine origins of the organization, I have tried wherever possible to live the kind of life which needs to be lived, in order for a person to considered worthy to do this.

I don't drink or smoke, and aside from a cup of coffee several month ago, I don't partake of tea or coffee either.

I live the law of chastity in that I refrain from pornography, and my sexual exploits are limited to my wife to whom I am legally and lawfully married.

I try to conduct myself with honesty (I know, I know this situation makes that statement pretty much void), but wherever I can I am as honest and open with people as I can possibly be.

Which brings us to Sunday...

Part of the baptismal process is that children are interviewed by the bishop to determine if they are worthy to be baptized. It's a load of crap if you ask me, but it's the way it's done, and so we went along with it. Following the meetings, I went and sat with her outside the bishop's office and we waited for him to come out.

The idea of my daughter being alone in an office with an grown man does definitely worry me - especially in light of some of the stuff I've dealt with in the organization, but that aside, I know the bishop quite well, and at some level I do trust him. He is a good man.

She went in for her interview, and I stayed very close to the door, just in case.

A few minutes later they came out. Her beaming, and he smiling too. He then asked to meet with me.

I went in, he closed the door, and after with the usual pleasantries, he asked who was going to be baptizing her.

I responded that I was going to, whereon he asked if I had a currently temple recommend.

Side note here...

I haven't held a temple recommend for 2 and a half years now. I can't state that I sustain my leaders and answer the honesty question with the right answer at the same time. You might also be interested to note, that he met with my wife and I just a few months ago to revoke our recommends, because we no longer pay tithing.

So he knows I don't have a recommend, but his asking is a form of emotional bullying, and a way for him to assert his dominance. It hurts more for me to say I don't have one, knowing the implications that I think the answer will lead to, than for him to state it right up front. Typical Mormon manipulation BS!

Back to the story...

After responding that I didn't he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to rectify the situation, and asked what he could do to to help me get one...

I responded that I didn't think there was anything he could do, where on he asked if it was just tithing that I had an issue with...

See!! The bastard knew what he was talking about...

He asked as he did in our prior meeting, why I wasn't paying tithing, and I responded as I have in the past that I don't agree with how the money is spent. I have reasons for this.... Exorbitant compensation packages for leaders, proposition 8 and badly managed mall construction projects, just to name a few, but he doesn't care what these reasons are. He might act like he does, but he's just looking for a way to explain away my reasons. So I didn't give him any reasons. Just stated that I didn't feel that I could honestly contribute money to an organization which spent it in ways which I didn't agree.

We went back and forth a few times... He gave me the BS about how the Church isn't the members and the members aren't the Church and that kind of thing, and confirmed that without a recommend, I could not baptize my daughter.

I don't think he was impressed with my refusal to pay, and we left with my agreeing to speak with my wife and let him know of our decision.

The decision has not been made yet, but I'll share with you my opinion.

I don't want her to get baptized, and in fact I'm going to stand my ground as the patriarch of my home (Which is BS, but it's something they have to recognize - Suck on that!!) and forbid her to participate in the ordinance until she is 18 years old, where-after she can make an informed decision if she wants to join their little cult or not, and I will support her in whatever that decision is.

I'm done with the Church as well... Somehow I'm not worthy to perform an Aaronic priesthood ordinance for my daughter, but they're just fine with my spending time preparing and teaching a class of teenagers about their organization. Screw that!!

The only remaining decision for me, is do I take a step away from the Church for a while, delaying the inevitable, but softening the blow to the remainder of the extended family, or do I just bite the bullet and request to have my name removed now.

Of course, based on recent events on this blog, I may not really have to make that decision...

So that's what set this all off. He also apologized again for the whole stupid light bulb thing, which he still doesn't get... He thinks it's about his public humiliation of me, but in reality its about his blind obedience to a leader, when he knew his actions were wrong, it's about his continuing to lie to me about the aftermath of the incident, and it's about the public shaming of me in a meeting with all the men in the ward present, in a situation where I was not present to defend myself. It's also about some dick using it as an opening joke in his talk a few weeks later, and the entire congregation laughing about it - and him sitting on his ass while it happened and doing NOTHING!

Anyway, wrapping up a long story... For the remainder of this week I was going to share more on the whole light bulb ordeal, because while it may seem petty, and it isn't the reason I want out, it does stand as a prime example of everything which is wrong with the organization. Not sure if I'll do this though...

I am however going to talk about money and my son's baptism. You see I wasn't a currently temple recommend holder when he was baptized, but it wasn't an issue. I suspect because I was still paying money to the organization at the time. Which in effect means this is all about money and has nothing to do with worthiness. Money - the root of all evil is one is to believe the scriptures. If you'd like to prepare for that blog post, might I suggest you read this.

I was also going to share some of what happened to me as an employee of the LDS Church. There is some stuff, particularly stuff which happened directly to me which I feel I am within my rights to share, but there is unfortunately plenty more which due to any number of reasons, legal, incrimination of those who still work there, and situations which might make personal identification of who I am possible which I will likely avoid. I do think I'll share the rest though... It's important that people know that their donations to God are not being spent in a way which I feel he would have them spent - Of course I could be wrong, but maybe I'll let you decide.