The Plan - How It's Going to Go Down

There is a good chance that this may be my last post this week... At least until it hits the fan on Sunday.

I've gone through a myriad of emotions this week, but I think the ride is stabilizing, and I think I'm ready to have a calm and rational discussion with my Bishop and hopefully put this situation to bed, once and for all.

Typically I'm not big on giving reasons, but I think I'll depart from that approach when I meet with him, and I think I'll explain why I'm sharing those reasons as well. If anyone has any suggestions about ways to make this better, I'm all ears. My intention is to be honest with him, and while I want to be civil, I also want to be firm and leave him with a pretty vivid picture of where I stand.

I'm going to start by asking why he felt it necessary to bring up the light bulb incident last Sunday when we met.

I suspect he is in under the mistaken impression that I was offended by this, and that it is the primary motivator behind my current situation. I was offended, but not necessarily by the incident itself, but it would be pretty petty of me to be basing this whole thing on that one unfortunate incident.

I would like to assure him that I'm not that petty, because I'm not, and then I would like to ask why he keeps apologizing for doing it, despite his continued assertions that he did the right thing.

I suspect he may be stumped here, and so I'll proceed with the following explanation:

I think he's a good person, but he got caught between doing something which his instincts told him were wrong, but which he felt obligated to do as part of obedience to his leaders.

I'll then follow with saying that if he should be apologizing for anything, it should be:

For allowing a discussion about what happened to begin in the priesthood meeting following and not stopping it right when it started.
And for sitting in his chair and doing nothing when another member of the ward used the unfortunate incident as a joke for the start of his talk 3 weeks later.

My intention here is to serve a little humble pie... I don't know if it will work, but I'm hoping it preps his mind for the next step. Ultimately I want to set the tone for the conversation and determine where it goes... I'm hoping to stay in control the whole time.

Next I'm going to ask if the issue is my not paying tithing, or if it's not having a valid temple recommend?

I suspect he'll say something about the recommend, or that they are both connected or something like that. I think it would be too much to expect him to come right out with the truth, that it's all about the tithing money.

If he goes the "You need a valid recommend to perform the ordinance" route. I will express my confusion since I haven't held a valid recommend in 2 and a half years, and since I baptized my son 2 years ago, obviously something has changed in the interim.

I'm not sure how this discussion will go, but there are a few facts I would like him to admit to.

1. The Church Handbook of Instructions only states that I need to be worthy in order to perform the ordinance. It says nothing about tithing.
2. The tithing idea seems to be localized to our stake, since I've checked with Bishops and Church Leaders in other Stakes and they all say I should have not problem performing the baptism... Well that is until I say that my bishop says I can't and then they get all flustered because "You can't criticize your leaders!" Perhaps I'll even throw in Mr. Oaks famous addendum to that... "Even when they are wrong!".

Anyway, when it gets to that point, I think it necessary I explain to him why I don't pay tithing. I'm not going to share all the reasons, because many will cloud his assessment of the situation, like Prop 8, but here is the basic plan of what I will share:

I started working for the Corporation of the Church in 2000. When I started, I was told a couple of things:

1. The annual rating scale is based on the numbers 1 thru 4. 1 is greatly exceeds expectations, 2 is exceeds expectations, 3 is meets expectations, and 4 is does not meet expectations. I was told that I could reasonably expect to receive 3's through out my career with them. If I really extended myself I might get a 2, and I should understand that no-one ever got 1's. Way to set the bar high folks!!!

2. I was informed that because we were paid with sacred funds, no-one in the organization made more than $100k annually. And at a later time, an HR Rep drew a graph which was high at the start, and went down to almost nothing at the end, which he used to explain that almost everyone received compensation which was below market value and very, very few employees made very much at all.

I was fine with point 2, because the money being used for compensation was given as donations to the Church, and with those donations, I think people should have an expectation that they be used frugally and with great care.

Story 1.

For a time I working in the part of a facility which cut fabric. Due to the design of one of the patterns and how the cutting machine worked, occasionally a straight cut would end up with a scalloped shape to it, which then caused bigger problems further along the production process. I spoke with my supervisor and manager about the problem, but neither seemed very interested in the opinion of the underpaid schuck who ran the machine.

Their solution was to investigate the purchase of a $1,000,000 piece of machinery to use for this one process. That's a lot of money!

As they talked more and more about this machine, I realized there were several problems they hadn't considered with the new machine, but as I tried to raise them, my opinion was ignored. Finally, out of sheer frustration, I went to speak to the person who built the patterns. I asked her to humor me, and make a very minor change to how it was put together. 5 minutes later, I left with a floppy disk with the revised pattern on it, and returned to the machine.

20 minutes after that, I had verified that the designed change completely eliminated the problem, and I excitedly went and told my supervisor that it was resolved. He was actually pretty pleased, and together we approached the manager.

You'd think I was telling the guy that I had just run over his cat with my car. He wasn't impressed at all. I don't know if he was getting a kickback from the other company, but I had to wonder. So I save the department $1,000,000 and that was it, no real thanks or anything...

Story 2.

Sometime after that I got a promotion to another department in the same facility. 2 employees in the new department had some serious issues. Most of their day was spent hiding in their shared office, bitching about the manager, and plotting ways to get him fired. It took a few months, but I began to realize that spending time with them was not only extremely unproductive, but it was becoming increasingly toxic, and so I started trying to avoid spending time with them. The problem with people like this, is that they see the world as us vs them, and by my not wanting to spend time with them, they saw me as the enemy. It got really nasty, but one of the worst things they did was to lodge a formal complaint against me with HR.

Now try to refrain from laughing here...

The complaint they lodged was that I was working too hard, and that it was making them uncomfortable. They then went further to complain that my intentions were to make them look bad, and to try and get them to lose their jobs.

What normal HR Rep would take an accusation like that seriously?!? Oh wait... Church HR aren't normal.

So the HR Rep met with my manager, and he then calls me into his office, and with a look of amusement, explained the complaint which had been filed, and which he had been asked to deal with.

The solution...

I was to spend 4 hours of my day, sitting at my desk and playing solitaire.

4 hours a day, while I was receiving pay generated from donations from members of the Church given with the intention that they be spent to further the work of the Lord.

Story 3.

While in the position above, I was given a purchasing card to purchase supplies for the plant. As part of receiving the card, I had to sign an agreement that I would not use it for personal gain, and that I was to keep the interests of the organization first and foremost in my mind at all times when using it. I took the agreement very seriously, and always made sure that I checked multiple sources and got the best value for money.

At one point I was asked to purchase a new phone for a conference room. I contacted the purchasing department, and obtained the name of the company from which they purchased their phones. It was a local company, and I then called them, and got a quote of approximately $750 (It's been a while, so that number may not be 100% accurate). I then shopped it around and found the same phone available on an online site (I think it was Amazon) for $250. That is a third of the price of the local supplier, and a complete no-brainer if you ask me. After consulting with my manager, we purchased it from Amazon, and everything was fine.

Until the local supplier called me to follow up and find out when I would be purchasing the phone... I explained that we had purchased it online, explained the disparity in the prices, and the call was concluded with them sounding more than a little put out.

I still find what happened next, hard to believe...

The vendor then called the purchasing department at Headquarters, and complained. I then received a call from some employee there, chewing me out for using someone other than the preferred vendor. It was an interesting call, because he couldn't argue with the dollar amounts, but at the same time, he was still upset with me. My suspicion is that the owner of the company probably has some tie with a higher up in the Church organization, and I'd upset their little agreement to sell over priced items, in the hopes of getting in on some of the tithing action.

Story 4.

I then transferred to another department to try and escape the nastiness of the 2 employees mentioned in Story 2. When I left, my manager met with me to apologize for how I had been treated, told me that he had never met another employee with the same level of diligence and care applied to my position in the 15+ years he had worked for the Church, and then characterized what the other 2 employees had done to me as a 'Character Assassination'. I still have a bitter taste in my mouth that neither he, nor the HR folks did a thing to stop these guys, and as I was to find out later, they succeeded in getting him fired shortly after I left.

As part of the transfer I received a significant raise - which they subsequently tried to take away because I had received a 1 on my review the year before and as a result had gotten a substantial raise - well substantial relative to what I had been earning... For the first time in my employment, I wasn't actually at the very bottom of my pay range, and yet they tried to take me there again. Fortunately this time I had a decent manager who went to bat for me, and got them to actually follow their own policies, but it was still disturbing to see how easily they would try and screw employees over where they could.

Except when policy prevented it, I received 1's almost every single year I was employed by them, which meant I got decent raises - again, relative to the small amount I was being paid. I was a holder of a Bachelors degree, working as an IT Professional, and yet I was still thousands of dollars a year below the poverty line. The highest I ever earned while working there was a little over $15 an hour.

Not only that, but every time I did get a raise, it came with a huge guilt trip about how my raise was taking money away from other employees...

I took all of this really well - they're sacred funds I was thinking....

Until I found out that the top 15 guys in the organization (Prophet, First Presidency and Apostles) all receive compensation packages well in excess of half a million dollars a year. (and if an of the LDS Legal Folks start trying to find a way to nail me for disclosing this... I found out about this outside the responsibilities of any position I held within the Church, so you can't touch me on it. The stuff I did find out about due to the nature of my position, I shall be honoring my legal obligations to, and they won't be shared here, or anywhere else, despite their disturbing nature.)

Not only did that seem exorbitant and immoral based on what I had been experiencing as an employee, but since the time I was a little kid, I'd been taught that these guys were servants of God, and served in their positions completely voluntarily and at their own expense. Not only that, but I recall teaching people when I was a missionary about them, and telling them the same lie about these guys being lay ministers, volunteers and all of that jazz. Seems I had been made as big a liar as they undoubtedly are.

As indicated above there is other stuff I can't share, but it involves corruption on some level or another, all the way to the guy in charge, and no, I don't believe that person is Jesus Christ.

As one final nugget... If you ever get a chance to visit the Church Office Building, make sure you swing by the offices of the Presiding Bishop. Here you have a church which claims to be led by Jesus Christ himself, a man who it is claimed had no home, and lived a life of complete poverty. It will be apparent to you that absolutely no expense has been spared in making the offices look nice, and I suspect that the offices of the other elite members are likely similar in appearance.

I know the arguments... These men are also leaders of an international corporation, and it's important to project a positive image of the Church to all who visit.

Simply put... These men represent a Church, not an international corporation, and the person who you claim leads your church would probably not be thrilled that you think his message needs to be enhanced with the finest wood trim and fancy artwork.

Actually, now that I think about it... I don't think he'll care about any of those stories, because I don't think he wants to know the reasons. If anything, he'll simply find someway of justifying each of those events and we'll make no headway at all.

Perhaps I'll just share that my experiences in Church employment have shown me a pattern of corruption from the prophet, all the way down, and that I'm not comfortable discussing this with him.

That actually give a segway into a discussion on my current feelings.

First, I've shared some of this with my parents - and they've always dismissed it without some much as a blink as well. It is however part of why they got so upset with me at the beginning of 2009, because I refused to simple ignore this crap, bow my head and continue to obey blindly.

So in a way, these reasons and my resulting feelings of animosity towards the Church has resulted in my parents all but disowning me (They've got a different interpretation, but that's a whole other discussion..).

I have not felt comfortable paying tithing for over 5 years now. In the beginning I had to, due to my employment with the Church - no pay tithing, no work for corp! This was one of the main reasons I quit my job there, since I didn't feel like I could be completely honest, which is another requirement, but far easier to justify away if you have to.

My sweet wife has been terrified since that time about what her parents and extended family would think, if they found out about my feelings toward the Church, and them finding out that we were not paying tithing was a part of that fear.

As part of my commitment to her, we continued to pay for another 2 years, but after prop 8, and with our family struggling to make ends meet, I can't justify paying it any more. In 2008 we made the deal that as long as I paid it that year, I could decide what to do the next year - which ended up being non-payment, and subsequent denial of a continued recommend for my wife.

Here's how I see the situation now...

My wife, out of fear of hurting the feelings of her family, as well as the fear of how they will react to our diminished participation is the Church, would like to have someone else baptize our daughter and just try to make everyone happy. Her fear has only been increased by seeing how my family has reacted to all of this. I in no way intend to make her look bad her, she's a good, good woman, but she's had this fear drummed into her for all of her life. It poses a very real and serious threat to her well being.

My daughter has been brainwashed to think she needs to be baptized, and the only reason she can give me, is that playing in the water at the Church will be cool.

Since baptizing my son was not an issue 2 years ago, when I didn't hold a recommend, but still paid tithing, I can only assume that the Church only cares about the money aspect of it. They're asking me to pay money, in order to perform my duties as a father, and are willing to leverage my relationship with my daughter, in order to get that money.

Folks, my worthiness could well be brought into question... But I don't think any part of it gets as low and despicable as using family relationships to extort money from someone.

Bottom line is that fear is not a reason to formally make my daughter a member of the LDS Church.

What Church, would use tactics like this to either increase it's membership, and/or increase the money coming into it's coffers?

They have left me without any other option. I cannot maintain any form of personal integrity and allow her to go through with this. In addition, as her father I have a sacred obligation to protect her from evil, and this is nothing other than pure evil.

I'm going to end the discussion about her baptism there and move things on to me.

I find it a little disturbing that they would deny me the right to do this ordinance, but have no problem with me teaching teenagers about the whole sham.

I can no longer be a part of their machine, and so effective immediately I will no longer serve as a Sunday School teacher. I'm planning on teaching my final lesson on Sunday, and leaving each kid with a full size candy bar - coz I'm that kind of guy!!

I will hand my manual over, and then inform him that I will be taking a break from the Church for an indefinite amount of time to figure out where things stand in my life. I may attend services from time to time with my family, but I will no longer take an active roll. I will request that I be removed from any home teaching lists - either to be visited or to do visits, and I will also request that I receive no official visits from any member of the Church as well. As a neighbor, I bear no resentment to him or his family, and would love to continue our relationship as neighbors, but I will leave the ball in his court as to whether that is something he would like to do.

When I'm ready to talk about this with them, I will make the first move.

I am also considering typing out a resignation letter, and having it in my pocket, but I don't think now is the right time to hand it over. I'm not sure why, perhaps it's the fact that I'm still trying to escape 30+ years of brainwashing. I still would like the option with me, should the need arise however.

And with that I shall leave, and begin a life of renewed freedom. I'm afraid the blog will then likely return to my original intended course of seeking for something better, a journey I am now even more excited to pursue, but which lacks the drama of the past week. I'm going to miss seeing my stats increase exponentially each day, but hopefully I can still provide some form of entertainment and/or enlightenment for those who read.