It seems to me that when you decide to opt out of Mormonism, you kind of have three choices as to how to do that... Ultimately, they all come with very similar feelings on the part of the person making the decision, but how they are viewed by third parties is ultimately very different.
Choice 1. Inactivity.
You simply stop going, and stop participating. You no long partake of the rituals, nor provide financial support and you no longer accept support. Your names remain on the records, but that is about the extent of your membership.
Choice 2. Expressed Disbelief.
In addition to withdrawing your financial support, accepting support and participating in rituals, you take it one small step further and express that your reasons for doing so are due to a lack of belief in the organization.
Choice 3. Resignation.
The same as the above, except in addition to expressing unbelief and ceasing all participatory activities, you also request that your name be removed as a member of the organization.
The funny thing is that I think most people who no longer believe or want to be associated with the LDS Church, could probably fit into any of those categories quite nicely.
Family members however will react in vastly different ways... Inactivity, is taken as a mostly temporary state. They assume that you know the truth deep down and will someday return. They suspect that your status with the respect to the Church is simply due to a sin on your part, or because you were offended or something petty like that.
Expressing disbelief is a whole other ball game. It has a kind of finality to it, and in an organization which is based wholly on an us vs them mentality, you become the 'them'. Evil, repugnant and good for nothing.
Resigning could then be seen as the final nail in the coffin for many. In many respects, your signing your warrant for eternal damnation.
Perhaps the biggest obstacle we'll be facing in the coming months and years is simply this one... How to handle our status within the organization... It would be simple, but we're concerned for the feelings of those we care about. And unfortunately those we care about of still caught up in the myth that some how our eternal status is caught up in our status with respect to the Church.
I think that sometimes inactivity can be split into two categories. There are the inactives that don't believe and don't want to go. The other group are inactives that do still actually believe and could go back. I have seen a lot of people in both of those "inactive" categories.
ReplyDeleteI think that expression of disbelief if the key factor distinguishing 1 & 2 (meant to add inactive to #2). It seems to make all the difference to those who remain.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I'm in a completely different group - active and disbelieving, which definitely not the best option for good mental health!
My wife and I certainly fall within category #2; we no longer go and we have expressed disbelief to all our family members and even the bishop of our ward. My parents expressed to my brother that they wished we were just inactive; the idea being that there would still be hope to reactivate us. Since we have said that we no longer believe, they have lost hope in us. We will eventually reach category 3 by having our names removed. I am the one holding us back from that decision since I am unsure of how that would affect my parents. One of these days...
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