Caution: This post contains language which may be offensive to some readers. I originally had the key vowels replace by a *, but we all know what I was thinking when I wrote that, so I figured I'd just go with the actual word. I apologize if this offends anyone, and if you know me in person, you should know that this is generally not part of my regular vocabulary. Perhaps it just indicates the level of frustration I'm feeling with this situation right now...
Folks, I'm going to be honest with you... I have tracking software attached to this blog, so I can see what kind of response my various posts have, and also so I can tell whose been reading and what people came to see.
My most popular post of all time seems to involve a funky lump I had on my head, and it's removal. My photos have been included on medical sites, and I've gotten quite a bit of feedback from folks who've been relieved to know that their own lumps are likely just something simple and easily removed.
Another oft visited post is a scathing one I wrote about Utah's welfare assistance program. It was from a time when I likely would have joined the Tea Party folks, waving my banner about Obama being a Nazi, Socialist, Marxist, destroyer of freedom, whilst at the same time lobbying for a Christian controlled nation - because having Islam take over would be a travesty... Anyway - apologies have been made on that post, and I'm sure you can tell why.
Anyway, as I checked the logs yesterday, I noticed that I've had a couple of visits from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In a word... SHIT!!!
Now, there is a small (very, very small) chance that it could be some employee of the organization, who like me has seen illegal activity, and hypocrisy in the ranks, and is looking for a way to get out. If that is indeed that case, and you are that employee... You have my sympathy. Nothing sucks quite as bad as feeling trapped by an organization which manipulates you at every possible level, and which you can't even escape on weekends, because if you do, you'll lose your job.
The day I walked out of the doors of the Church Office Building, after turning in my security badge, was a day filled with a level of relief that supersedes any explanation I could give it.
I suspect however that it might not be a struggling employee, but rather some desk puke employed by the Strengthening Church Members Committee. Basically this is a group of people employed by the Church whose purpose it is to seek out the 'bad' members and report them to their local leaders so that they can be dealt with - usually by a 'Counsel of Love' wherein various psychological techniques are used to administer emotional abuse, assert dominance, and ultimately remove the person from the membership of the Church, along with all the shame, rejection and emotion turmoil that brings.
The thing is, that there are likely thousands of people out there who are part of the Church, and who struggle with aspects of it. They however feel trapped, and for some of them, blogging is a way to help them overcome those feelings. A place to let the frustration out, and then continue flying under the radar, so as to avoid nasty confrontations with family and friends.
I would compare the committee to the KGB.
If you are a part of that committee and you are here reading this post to try and determine if my opinion rises to the level which would require a letter to my bishop... Why don't you do us all a favor and send me an email (address will be provided below). Perhaps I could save you the time of trying to figure out who I am, and just send you my name, membership number and the name and address of my bishop and stake president. And then we can play the racing game to see if you can get me kicked out before I get the balls to request my name be removed from the records.
I suspect you'll be too chicken to do that, so perhaps instead I could politely suggest that you FUCK OFF and go and actually do some good in the world... How about you go after the GA's who hide criminal activity and that kind of thing, or perhaps work out a way for the Church to admit that the leadership are receiving obscene compensation packages, despite the fact that all the kids in primary get taught that everyone in the Church is a volunteer and NO-ONE GETS PAID - let the missionaries know too, because I had no idea that I was lying when I told people this, and now I get to have that on my conscience for the rest of my life.
I understand that the committee also takes complaints from members about other members activities, and investigates those. Based on the data I have, that doesn't seem to be the case, but if by chance it is and you happen to be one of those members, you can FUCK OFF as well!
OK, back to my normal readers... I'm torn right now... I'm considering locking down this blog to keep the bottom feeding scum from the SCMC away from me, or possibly some other options as well. I'll let you know if I do decide to do that, and if it comes to that, and you would like to be included in the blog, please send me the email address you use to access blogger to...
urbankoda-at-urbankoda-dot-com just remove the dashes and ... Well, if you can't figure the rest out...
Finally, I think it's important that you know that these scum are out there trolling the interwebs, and that they have found this blog. No doubt it is now on a watch list or something.
If you link to this site and would rather not be implicated in any action taken against me, I would not be offended if you removed that link.
If I link to your site, and you would rather not have them get to your blog from mine, please let me know (Email or comment) and I would be more than happy to remove you.
If you have comments on this blog, and are nervous about the aforementioned bottom feeding scum following those to your profile, please feel free to delete them as well - and let me know if I can assist.
Finally I would ask the question... The feelings of fear, anger and intimidation I've been dealing with for the past few years... Why would God's true Church have such a large part in causing these kinds of feeling? I'm a good person, I've always busted my ass to support the Church (until recently) and to help my fellow man?
The answer is simple... This is not a church which is led by divine inspiration, and based on an honest review of the history surrounding it, I am extremely doubtful that it ever was.
You have entered shark infested waters...
ReplyDeleteHa ha. Sometimes I think about not using my real ID, but then I don't give a shit. Everyone in my ward knows we'll never be back, it's just a matter of time before I take our family name off the records.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you'd seen it, but a poster from RfM documented her problems with CoJCoLDS watching her blog and I don't think she was even actually baptized. It went on for a while.
T.J. Ain't that the truth... Except the only danger the sharks really pose is in my own mind... Still 30+ years of brainwashing does take a while to flush out of the system. That said though, there is a certain amount of satisfaction to be had staring into the eyes of a supposed leader and know that they really have no control over you!
ReplyDeleteThanks CaraDee - I suspect a few of my atheist, never-mo friends will likely get visits as well. I don't give a shit either - well not until I saw the hit, but it was more just shock, and a realization that I could only fly under the radar for so long - but that was all likely to be ending this week anyway.
And with that all said, I think I've removed all personal references to myself from the blog, so if they're going to track me down, it'll take some work and hopefully save some other poor soul from their harassment.
I know the feeling. "knowing they have no control over you" I felt it recently when i ran into my bishop down the street. I couldn't care less. it was quite freeing. You'll get there. it didn't take me too long. I only left last Sept completely.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, good luck. I'm enjoying your stories.
They visited my blog (UU Mormon) once and then never came back. I was a little offended they didn't find me interesting enough to keep spying on.
ReplyDeleteWell Karen, if it helps... I'm thinking the Sunday after next may find me at the local Unitarian Congregation... Not that I am ready to convert to a different religion, but your posts (which there really need to be more of!!) have intrigued me.
ReplyDeleteI get hits from the CoJCoL-dS on my blog too. It's my impression that they have people who do routine surveillance of all of the exmo blogs and sites. On some level you have to expect it -- a blog is public information, like a newspaper.
ReplyDeleteI don't think they have my current address, but in France they knew where I was for years and didn't do a thing. It's my impression that they only ex people for blogging if they know you don't want to be ex'd. Those bloggers who don't care (or would merely find it amusing to blog about their disciplinary proceedings) -- the CoJCoL-dS has no interest in pursuing them.
I think what bothers me most about them visiting is the attitude... I know there have been plenty of TBM's who've stopped by, some stay, most leave, but they're generally not a problem. The mere fact that a religious organization has people on the payroll (just another reason not to pay into the system) whose job it is to do this kind of thing... Just a little disturbing. It's kind of like stalking... Pretty much everything stalkers do is technically legal, but that doesn't make it right.
ReplyDeleteI think when it comes to action, it probably comes down to the local leadership... I've got a Stake President who issues little commandments to - and this is a direct quote - "See if they will be obedient unto their Stake President". There is just some sick power tripping garbage going on in the area, and I'm sure they'll throw the book at me when they find out. Of course what they don't know, is that I've read the book, have no respect for their supposed authority, and any counsel of love held in my honor is going to end up being quite the production :-)
If I was still in my old ward in New Zealand, I doubt any action would be taken, but then again, if I was still in my old ward in New Zealand, I doubt there would be a need for my having a blog such as this one to begin with!
Just a little disturbing. It's kind of like stalking... Pretty much everything stalkers do is technically legal, but that doesn't make it right.
ReplyDeleteTrue. I'm just saying that I'm not surprised...
Well, if this makes any kind of sense...
ReplyDeleteI'm not surprised either, but at the same time, it was kind of a shock to the system...
Far too many emotions running rampant in my mind this week, but at the same I am very grateful for bloggers like yourself who've been there before me. Thanks!!
Bring them on! Too bad I got busy at work this afternoon. I missed all of this!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Bring them on.
Incidentally, when I sent my letter of resignation I included my membership number to make it easy for them.
Oh boy, I welcome the 'bottom feeding scum' to visit my blog. I have already removed my name from the church records and I live safely across the other side of the world! I feel for you guys who are in areas densely populated by Mormons. It really does sounds like a completely different experience waking up to the falsehood of the church when you're right smack in the heart of their territory. Good Luck!! much love... M.
ReplyDeleteThey visited my blog too, which I thought was pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteEliza... How is it that I haven't visited your blog before?!? Just went over and saw your post for the day... You just made my night :-)
ReplyDelete"Now, there is a small (very, very small) chance that it could be some employee of the organization, who like me has seen illegal activity, and hypocrisy in the ranks, and is looking for a way to get out."
ReplyDeleteI'm probably your small chance. I've enjoyed your site and have visited it on a couple of occasions. Unfortunately I had to take my own site down recently because of one of my posts.
In that case, my architectural friend, please accept my apologies my reaction.
ReplyDeleteI had a plan to put a nasty little redirect on my site once I made some changes... Basically a "if the COB IP address, redirect to a naughty site, otherwise, go to my blog" But perhaps I'll hold off on that for now!
I feel for you in your situation - assuming it's the same or similar to the one I was in. I felt helpless for a long time... Knowing I needed to find something better, outside of the corporation but worried that I wouldn't. Turned out I did, but sometimes it takes a leap of faith - real faith.
Good luck, and thanks for reading!
I'm coming late to the party here but just wanted to thank you for your insight and personal stories. You've giving me the push I need to have my own name taken off the records at last.
ReplyDelete