Here's kind of a funny one. I'll post some more of this over on the other blog later this week, and most of them are very NSFW, but I think this one is OK...
A couple of days ago, I received an email from a friend... I was working on some design stuff, and didn't open it immediately. Mrs Koda however, got a copy as well, and in complete contrast to how she normal is, she opened it immediately.
She came running down to my lair and told me that it made he think of me.
There were a bunch of funny pictures, and as I scrolled down, I got to see the top half of the one in question.
Now I don't ride motorcycles, but this little phrase could easily be put on the back of one of my biking shirts.
I've mentioned before the stark contrast between Mrs Koda's desire for 'riding' and mine. I'm a normal guy with normal urges and all of that, and I think about sex A LOT!
Mrs Koda is/was a good little Mormon girl and tends to think sex is icky, plus since it's largely the reason for 5 headache causing little Kodas, it's not very high on her to do list... Or rather... I'm not very high on her... "TO DO List!!"
Anyway...
We got a good chuckle, and then... I... scrolled... down.
CRAP!!
So now there's this question in my mind... Is my lack of sexual fulfillment a result of religious brainwashing to the Mrs, or am I just a lousy lover.
The problem is, there is no really reliable way of finding out.
I had a female friend in high school, and we got to talking about kissing one day and how to find out if we were any good. We ended up having what I believe is called a NICMO - Non-committal make out session. It was pretty cool, except she ended up being late home, and was supposed to be studying for finals, and she didn't want to face her parent alone, so we got chewed out together... By anyway...
It wasn't that she was a bad kisser, but... She wasn't exactly great either. The problem is, we were friends, and so when it came time for a verdict... You're Awesome! was what both of us came up with.
I guess in hindsight I should have asked her friend... But even then...
She was also the one who I joked about a threesome with, and she told me one day that her friend and her were willing... I think at the time I blew it off, thinking they were kidding...
CURSE MY NAIVETY!!!
Anyway, so short of putting out a request for readers of the feminine persuasion to come on over and rate me, I'm not sure there is much I can do.
And doing such is likely not the best course of action to spark the romance either!
I guess I could ask Mrs. Koda's friends but that might be a little awkward, and to be fair, when it comes to rating... Mrs. Koda and I both have the distinct disadvantage of inexperience with multiple partners.
DAMN MY MORMON UPBRINGING!!!
Anyway, so there's my dilemma. I suspect it may simply be a case of mismatched libido, and if not... At least it's good for a laugh... Right?
Credit for the original laugh goes to Emily - THANKS!!
I think about guys I coulda done it with and didn't. Actually, there's only two that I kinda wish I had. The rest of 'em, I look back and think, Wow, I'm glad I didn't sleep with him. But my chastity was because of fear, not any self-respect or anything like that. There was one guy in particular... *sigh* Yeah, I curse my Mormon upbringing too.
ReplyDeleteIf I could comment anonymously, I might consider testing and rating you. Kidding!!! (Sort of. We could start an ex-Mormon orgy. I'll shut up now.)
AWESOME!!! Love it when people get my sense of humor :-)
ReplyDeleterofl, this is fantastic!
ReplyDeleteI never had the right timing (and neither did the guys) to really get together with anyone until I was older (17), but good GOD am I glad I never did what he wanted to. "I'm not ready for sex," he said, "But I'm totally willing to try oral."
I shivered. Not gonna happen, not with that guy. I knew enough about him to not trust him like that.
But I do have my regrets, totally. Like the whole "no sex even with your fiance" bit. Maaaaan, that sucked. We almost didn't make it.
But other stuff, too. I didn't grow up Mormon, but I grew up with a mom who put the fear of God into me. Among other things. That was enough, unfortunately.
Maybe you should consult kuri on this issue.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to avoid making a double entendre relating how kuri "tries a new sword" on a chance Mrs. kuri.
LMAO!! How on earth did I miss that particular post - I'm usually pretty religious in following Kuri - which is about all the religion I care to have in my life at this point...
ReplyDeleteI had a week back in July when I was pretty scarce online, and I wonder if that was it.
Very informative...
Based on the rules and attempting to avoid too much graphic detail about the Koda love making technique... I'd have to admit, that I think I may be well above average.
Well, that and I'm only an American through the naturalization process... Within these veins beats the blood of an African - and that has to count for something!
Thanks for linking, Andrew! I missed that one too. It was well worth the read.
ReplyDeleteSo, what time should I be over to your house then? J/K!
ReplyDeleteSince I’ve only done the horizontal mambo with one guy I probably wouldn’t be a good judge anyway. However, one thing that Kuri didn’t mention is that different things feel good to different women. So, you could be a great lover to a thousand women but if you can’t do what your wife likes it doesn’t matter. And how do you know what feels good to her? You have to communicate. She needs to tell you, or show you what she likes. If she doesn’t know what turns her on she has some work ahead of her. Sometimes getting a toy is helpful for that. Anyway, the only other bit of advice to help you out is that she needs to be in the right mood to enjoy sex, and you can help take on some of her responsibilities so she has the chance to even think about some action.
THat was awesome, thanks for linking to Kuir's post! I'm in need of some education too (and some experience but I guess we'll have to work on it within our monogomous relationships, how about role-play then!!). I feel much like your wife, there seems to be some residual stigma left over for me to do with sex being icky. Baby steps I think. How a person feels about sex can be such a delicate subject. I'm hoping that as I clear away the religious muck I will discover a healthier sex life.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I agree with TGW, I need to turn off 'mummy mode' to get to 'lover mode' so any help with winding down and feeling like myself is greatly appreciated and will go a long way once hitting the sack.
Sorry, Kuri not Kuir, it's late!! and it's also time for me to hit the sack (nudge nudge wink wink)
ReplyDelete"CURSE MY NAIVETY!!!"....you and me both brother!
ReplyDeleteMy sincere appreciation too for the link to Kuri's rules.