Me and the Bishop need to have a wee chat

I need to meet with my bishop.

But it's not what you think. I'm still firm in my knowledge that the whole thing is a sham.

Should I bear you my testimony?

OK, I'll spare you that!!

It was a great weekend, although it did have the potential to bad.

It was the annual primary kids sacrament presentation. If we still went to church with any regularity, and if I still believed in it, it would have been a day filled with disapointment.

For those of you who don't know, once a year, all the kids aged 3 to 12 get to present a program in the main meeting. The entire year seems to be geared towards this program. All the songs need to be learned, parts memorized and rehearsed, and everyone and their dog comes out to watch it.

My kids have generally learned the songs well, memorized their parts, and yet when the big day finally came, they'd become paralyzed with fear, and then when the time came for them to perform their part, they'd crouch back into their chairs, shake their heads and make grunts generally intended to dissuade whichever well intentioned teacher was trying to get them to do something.

I was that teacher one year with my oldest son - not the best memories there!

Anyway, one thing that really used to bug my wife and I, was the families who didn't show up all year, attended the last rehearsal and then showed up in brand new dresses with all the extended family in tow, and performed flawlessly. I can picture it all clearly in my mind, even now.

I don't know why it bugged us so much. Perhaps subconsiously, I was feeling cheated. I (and my kids) had put in all the work, attended all the boring ass meetings, and someone got the glory without even trying. And there I was, unsuccessfully trying to convince my 6 year old to get up and do his thing.

Anyway... Since we haven't been to church much this year, we decided our kids weren't going to be participating.

Grandma (The nice one) has been asking when it was going to be, and since Mrs Koda doesn't want to have THE conversation with her just yet, she's just kind of put her off.

I should interject at this point, that this is going to be a long post - but I will cover the nature of my upcoming meeting with the bishop at the very end, if you want to skip down!

Anyway, all was going well and we were even thinking that perhaps the whole sacrament presentation thing had passed... And then Mrs Koda and her mother were at Walmart two weeks ago doing some shopping. Walmart seems to be a bad place for Mrs Koda and her mom to be together. I don't know if I blogged it, but that was the exact place where 6 months ago, one kid enthusiastically blurted out something about... "That's the coffee maker Dad wants!".

Anyway, after walking by the coffee makers with no incidents this time, they then walk right into one of the primary councillors.

"Oh! I've been meaning to stop by and give your kids their parts for the primary program!"

I can't say for sure what Mrs Koda was thinking, but I think it was likely along the lines of...

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!"

Anyway, Grandma Koda in Law lights up, and asks about the date.

"Oh - it's Sunday the 21st! And will you be coming to see your beautiful Grand Children?"

Anyway, it was not a good night for marital bliss in the Koda household that night.

By last week though, we suspected that Grandma Koda in Law had forgotten, but I could sense some definite tension from Mrs Koda.

Grandma regularly spends Thursdays with her Daughter.

I called around noon to ensure that everything was still OK.

And while I was calling, the doorbell rang.

Mrs Koda seemed distracted, muttered something and then hung up the phone.

It turns out the very same lady had stopped by to drop off the parts and offer us a reminder.

Grandma had indeed forgotten!

CRAP!

Anyway, Mrs Koda talked about the kids shyness issues and then stated for both ladies that our children would most likely not be there.

Anyway, yet another shitty night for marital relations.

By Friday things were looking up, and by Saturday, we were having an awesome weekend.

We slept in Sunday, and while the kids played out in the snow, Mrs Koda and I started to get caught up on things around the house and plan the rest of our day.

It was all going well until shortly after noon.

Church gets out at noon, and so the neighborhood is once again filled with kids.

We, and a couple of other families on the street have a strict, "No Friends on Sunday" policy. For us it isn't religious, we just need a break from other peoples snot nosed kids.

Our 6 year old came into the room where me, Mrs Koda and the 8 year old were working on a school project, and informed us that the girl from across the street was at the door and needed to see her.

This girls family has a no friends policy as well.

The 8 year old went to see what was up, with clear instructions that it was a no-friends day.

She returned shortly thereafter with a stack of papers.

Her class had all colored in pictures for her - even though half of them don't even know who she is.

Her friend was assigned to drop them by and invite her to come back to church.

In my daughters words "I think she was about to cry". And apparently the bishops daughter really wants my daughter to come back as well.

My kids have already been singled out, because they don't go to Church. The same bishop's daughter told them a few weeks back, that they were not welcome at some event, because they don't go to Church anymore. And there have been some other nasty little incidents too.

I get the mentality of the teacher, since I used to be there, but at the same time. You're singling my kids out as 'Less-Actives' and making sure all their friends know it.

And don't even get me started on all the manipulation - my son got a taste of it at his pack meeting on Thursday night as well.

I was frustrated, I was angry, and if I could do it without potential negative effects on my wifes relationship with her parents, my resignation letter, including the names of my children, would have already been sent in.

But unfortunately we have to deal with the hand dealt us.

I posted a question online about anonymity surrounding resignations and got some really good advise, and different things to consider.

Perhaps the most poignant piece of advise was about setting boundaries.

That's why I need to meet with the bishop. It's time for boundaries to be set. I'm going to try and be civil about it, but I am prepared to play dirty if need be.

I will respectfully ask that the primary organization be insructed to leave our kids alone. I am also going to request that we no longer have any official visits from church representatives.

Hopefully he'll be decent about it, and will agree to my request.

If he doesn't, or if visits persist, I'm going to plan B.

Either the visits and mind games with my kids stop, or I start informing the membership about Joseph threatening 14 year old girls into marriage and effectively raping them. And then I'll inform them about the polyandry and all the other crap he was involved in... Need I continue?

I suspect that would give him enough ammunition to initiate disciplinary measures against me, but I would hope that in the face of potential loss of additional members, he'd simply agree to my request.

Of course you never know. My stake is linked to the home stake of one of the September 6, so you never know what button my threats may push.