Naive

The word Naive brings up a flurry of emotions and memories for me.

When I was about 18, I was dating a pretty cute girl. She was my first real girlfriend, one who I had pursued for a couple of months and finally won over.

It didn't last too long though. While I was attracted to her the second I saw her, the key to my real pursuit of her, may have been the class discussion in Geography some weeks later, in which it was revealed that she'd gotten a little drunk over the past weekend and given Alex - a former student - a blow job. Alex was his real name, and since I don't even know who the dude was, I think it safe to post that here.

Part of that revelation kind of shocked and repulsed me, and then part of it really spoke to me.

We'd been dating a month or two, when she offered to perform the same service on me. My Mormon upbringing got in the way, and I was trapped between...

OH BABY!!

And

NOOOOOOOOO!!!

I ended up freezing and stammering, following which she withdrew the offer, and the relationship proceeded to head south. I suspect that may have been the deciding factor.

What kind of real man turns down a blow job?!?

I remember my mother confronting me about the relationship one day... There were all kinds of new emotions for me and I was freaking out, and she began her conversation with... "Are you worried that XXXXXXX is pregnant?"

I wasn't... It was a bunch of other stuff, and to be honest I was completely shocked. On one hand I was impressed that she would think I was capable of impregnating a young lady, and yet on the other hand... WTF?!?

After a few more attempts to break through the now thick wall I had in place, my mother then informed me that Sister V thought I was incredibly naive about the world.

I'll get to Sister V in a minute, but this wasn't the first time my mother accused me of being naive.

Back when we lived in South Africa, I made the mistake of wondering allowed why the government wouldn't just allow black people to vote. There was yelling and screaming that time, and I think I ended up in my room. And the word "Naive" was used as well, in reference to my not understanding.

Naive... Maybe I am...

But let's get back to Sister V - Not necessarily her real name, but it's what we all called her... She was my early morning seminary teacher at Church. She put a lot of time and effort into her lessons, and I learned a lot.

One morning, during the whole period of confusion and mixed up emotions with the girlfriend mentioned above... She offered to give me a ride to school. It was hardly more than a mile or two, but within that short drive, she got me to completely open up about what was bothering me. She didn't judge, she didn't accuse, she just genuinely cared, and at the end of it all, she offered some insights and ideas.

The girlfriend wasn't a member, and so my folks weren't impressed that I was involved with her, plus we did risky stuff like hug and hold hands - TOO MUCH PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!! Sister V didn't seem to care. In many ways, she took my girlfriends position and explained how girls think. It didn't save the relationship, but it helped, and I left the car feeling loved and cared about.

Sister V was awesome, and a lady whom I still have incredible respect for.

I think my mother realized that, and tried to use that love and respect against me.

"Sister V thinks you're naive about the world"

My mother pulled that shit a lot. She could have taken the time to get to understand me, but instead it was accusations, judgment and manipulation.

She (well back when I still talked to her) bitched about how I would never confide in her. I did on several occasions, but it always came back to bite me in the ass.

My conversation with Sister V, never did though.

"Sister V. thinks you're naive"

Those words have haunted me ever since.

Recently though, I've read a couple of things about naivety which have put it in a favorable light. I read one such thing last night which used that word, and filled me with some amazing feelings.

I finished reading it right before bed, and I dozed off feeling inspired.

It's from here, and was sent to me by it's author, Mr. Chris Guillebeau.

I would highly, highly recommend his blog.

If you are confident, they will say you are arrogant.

If you are deliberate, they will say you are too sure of yourself.

If you have a sense of purpose, they will say you are self-absorbed.

If you know who you are, they will ask, “Who are you, anyway?”

If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve.

If you are a dreamer, they will say “join the real world.”

If you are a rebel, they will try to shut you down.

The instructions include:

rein it in
slow it down
wait it out

pull it back
take your time
play it safe

But you will know:

They are envious because they want what you have.

They are afraid of change even as they crave it.

They are projecting their own regret into resentment of you.

It’s not all bad news: some of them will sort themselves out and end up joining you. Because you are a good person and have had plenty of false starts of your own, you’ll understand and welcome them warmly. We’ve missed you! you’ll say. It’s about time you made it.

As for the others, well, you will remember what Gandhi said:

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

Thank you Chris!

I've heard a lot of that from my parents, and my former church, and at the end of the day...

SCREW 'EM!!

"If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve."

That's also the reason I had trouble being a good Mormon!

Now... Time to make a difference in the world!