Tolerance

Nobody is born a bigot

I've seen that bumper sticker in a few places, and I would have to agree.

I've struggled with bigotry in my life a little and I'm trying to find out the best ways to return to the pre-bigoted state. I've found one good way which perhaps will help others, but if you have other ways, please feel free to share.

I grew up in South Africa under apartheid. That means I was classified as a white person upon my birth (And still have the paper to prove it), grew up in a whites only neighborhood, attended a whites only school and pretty much only had white friends.

There is no one clear source for my enmity towards people of color, but I do know that one of my first words was a racial slur, and the course was likely from family, community, church and school.

When I was in my early teens, a black man joined our congregation. He kind of lived in the area, and there was great excitement that a black brother was joining the fold. If I remember correctly, his first name was Golden, and every one in the ward seemed excited that a Golden Black man would convert.

And then he was baptized, and it was suggested to him that instead of attending with us, that he spend likely upwards of an hour each way, commuting to a black congregation in a neighboring black area. They suggested that he might be more comfortable meeting with those of his own kind, rather than with us.

I have to wonder though, if the discomfort people were worrying about was their own though.

I fought against racism a little as a kid. I've shared this story before, but one of the big fears under apartheid was that of terrorism. There were a number of white kids who would go to university, start questioning the white supremacist regime in power, and soon run off to join one of the banned political groups. It was feared that most of these young people would become terrorists.

I remember sitting at school and being told to look at the person to your left and the person to your right, and then being told that one of those people would become a terrorist, based on the 1 in 3 odds of it happening.

Looking left and right, I always just assumed that person would be me.

And yet despite that, when I returned to South Africa several years later, and was assigned a black companion, and sent to do missionary work in an all black area, I was terrified.

It wasn't helped by my companion 'interpreting' the words of the locals, and informing that they hated me and wanted to kill me.

I think it was a fear of the unknown. I didn't know how to act around these people, and I didn't know what they were saying, and after all the years of being brainwashed into thinking they were all evil, despite my resistance, some of that had taken hold.

I was immersed in their culture and got to know them. I met one man who was pursuing his doctoral degree, and it literally BLEW MY LITTLE MIND!

But 2 years later, I was at the point where I was completely at home in the black areas. I knew the customs, spoke the language and loved the people. I think, that had things not worked out with Mrs Koda, and had I been able to find the means to return, I would have been quite happy marrying a young Zulu girl and making my home amongst them.

Immersion... It's a great way to over come intolerance!

I used to feel enmity towards homosexuals as well. It was the result of years of brainwashing, and more than anything else, misunderstanding and fear.

Once I realized that Mormonism is a sham, the scales started to fall from my eyes. Add to that the fact that I suspect someone very close to me might be gay, made me question my prior feelings even more.

I still struggled being around people who were openly gay though.

A year or two back, Mrs Koda and I went on a date, and ended up being sat next to a couple of local guys. It became obvious from their conversation that they were gay, and while I wasn't afraid or repulsed about sitting next to them, it just felt awkward.

I went to a rally to protest a Mormon leader's bigoted comments at their conference a few weeks back. I wanted to go, but I was scared about the environment I would find myself in. And then I opened my mouth at dinner to talk about it, and ended up bringing a couple of my kids along as well.

It was interesting to say the least, but the experience was amazing.

There is something refreshing about being around people who aren't afraid to be their true selves. And even more refreshing to witness exchanges of affection and understanding. I didn't get the opportunity to speak with many of the fellow protesters, but as I lay on the cold concrete, I felt many of the old prejudices melting away.

I still have a way to go, but I'll definitely be going to any upcoming protests, and I may try and talk Mrs Koda into attending the Gay Pride festivities with our little tribe next year. It's great to support the LGBT community and help promote their quest for equals rights, but I think my primary reason is to kick my homophobia once and for all, and prevent my kids from growing up as bigots.

As a side note, as we walked back from the protest to our car, my kids both commented about how good they felt participating. It was cold, and they were bored for most of it, but they knew why they were there, and it made a difference to how they're going to remember it.

Immersion all the way!!

Kind of related, but not, I saw this video on the blog of a good friend... Thanks TGD!