Mrs Koda and I have thought about moving for a while now.
We moved 3 years ago because we needed a bigger house, and because we found ourselves in a Church congregation which was lead by a young man with a serious case of Pharisaical Fever.
As it turns out, we moved into an area which had been cursed with an even more serious case of Pharasaicolitis, and to top it off, the top carriers for the neighborhood live directly next door and across the street from us.
We've been thinking out of State actually. Getting away from a place where the culture, religion and politics have grown together into some kind of evil hybrid is the primary reason, but there are others.
Moving away from immediate family makes leaving Mormonism easier as well. We love the extended family, but they care a little too much about our beliefs. Already the suggestions to read specific magazine articles from the elect leaders of the religion in Salt Lake, have been made. That, and we'll escape the constant updates on how awful the world is, and how Obama is an evil communist threat to mankind, all courtesy of everyone's favorite hate-monger, Glenn Beck.
It would also give us an opportunity to move into a culture which would hopefully be a little more diverse and closer to our values. I'm not sure if I posted it a while ago, and if not I probably need to find it, but it was an article talking about family values and political leanings. Basically, and generally speaking, in conservative states, couples get married younger, and the divorce rate is significantly higher. In liberal states, couple get married at an older age and are more established when they tie the knot. Those marriages tend to be more successful in the long run as well. Massachusetts, first state to approve Gay Marriage actually has the lowest divorce rate in the nation. Perhaps the Equal Rights Movement needs to take on the "Defending Marriage" position as it's own!
Marry young and pump out the kids is the norm in Utah, and I'd prefer my kids not to feel that pressure. If they don't want to get married by the time they're 22, I want them to be OK with that. And on that subject, I don't want any of them getting their hearts broken, purely because of religious beliefs. I had that happen to me when I was a kid, and it was hard to deal with. Not to say I don't want them to experience pain, but religious discrimination is a lot like racial discrimination. You get what I mean, right?
Anyway, as my job search has gotten underway, I've found myself working with a recruiter in Salt Lake City. Basically a head-hunter. I realized yesterday that I actually tried to work with him before, but that was back when I had absolutely no experience. He was polite back then, but honest that he couldn't help me. It looks like he's gotten me some good leads though.
Unfortunately the other side of the job search saga, is that it appears that one of the jobs I applied to in the last 2 days, has apparently sold my name, email address, and then entire contents of my resume. So now I'm getting spammed by job finding services. I don't think I like that, but perhaps I'm looking at it wrong.
I always tell people that I committed the three greatest sins that could be done without actually getting kicked out of BYU:
ReplyDelete3. I did not go to a single game for any of the sports teams. In fact, because of bigoted fans (especially against former BYU players now in the opposing team), I rooted for the other team.
2. I never once paid a single late fee at the testing center. Heaven forbid I should not procrasinate and study early to get the test over and done without any pressure. Sure I failed a few, but money is money.
1. I graduated without getting married!
Now that I've got 2.5 years of work experience, a fully paid-off car, and a fairly solid income (at least until the Lord comes to cleanse the church as I work for it), I feel ready to begin dating seriously and, wouldn't you know, not one but two different friends are working to set me up with a girl.
Apparently I still have a lot of recovery time still ahead of me... I read #1 and the beginning of the next paragraph, and my mind instantly went to... I wonder if Dave, and a co-worker of mine would be a good match?
ReplyDeleteI almost went to BYU... It was my excuse for coming over here (well kind of... The hot Mrs Koda was the real reason :-) ) Anyway, I went down that way, spent 3 hours on campus, and started looking at other schools the same day. I'm the only one of the 5 kids in my family who is not a BYU graduate.
Ah, Koda, see... you were a rebel from the beginning! Same thing here; my mom whines about how quiet and demure I was, until I hit 13. Never been the same since, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI strongly strongly STRONGLY endorse the moving out of state idea. Honestly, I read these blogs and it sounds like you writers live in a hostile foreign country. You know, in other parts of the country, you can be developing a friendship for months before the subject of where / if they go to church even comes up... as a triviality! Only home improvement salesmen and Jehovah's Witnesses knock at your door, and they hand you their papers and skidaddle (okay, the occasional Mormon missionaries show up, but apparently you can fake Gentile and mention your skepticism about Mr. Smith, and they'll put you on their black list. Apparently.). Your social group will rarely include more than two people from the same church! And yes, even in the younger-marrying conservative states, there isn't that pressure to marry that seems so prevalent in Utah. For one thing, there's nothing mentioned about it from the pulpit. And most people try to put off marriage until they've completely finished their education and started their careers.
On the other hand, there is not a ready-made social group and activities already planned for you. It takes awhile to make friends, or even be invited to stuff. And if you want to be in a place that welcomes children and has a good supply of things like parks, libraries, good schools, children's hospitals, etc., then you might have to head for less liberal waters.
Even so, totally worth it to move, imo... I'd love to see you guys get a chance to breathe for a change.
Thanks Clink!
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing was... Back when I toured the BYU campus, I was Mr. Uber righteous Mormon Dude. Perhaps deep down, I already knew - Actually even when I was a missionary I knew, but it didn't seem to bother me... Gonna have to blog about that sometime.
The built in social aspect of Utah is nice, but I think the problem is that you never really form deep and meaningful relationships with people. Our best friends right now are mostly non or inactive LDS. There is one exception, but she reads this blog, and is still a close friend of Mrs. Koda, so she's kind of an anomaly (But you're a good anomaly Emily!!).
Mrs. Koda has actually grown quite partial to New Jersey of late, but I think prior to any move, we're definitely going to have to check out the situation for our kids.
And as a complete side note... The new resume seems to be working nicely! Thanks for your help!
I should add too, that I think a great deal of the stress that comes from leaving is self-induced... I'll be the first to admit that it's added a level of paranoia to my life about the actions of others.
ReplyDeleteOf course stories like my friends Bowie and Kaleidoscope Eyed Girl shared yesterday don't exactly help the paranoia.
Honestly, if you move, I think you should prepare yourselves for a bit of culture shock. The only offenses I've worried about causing my neighbors was letting the yard and house go (when I was divorced with young kids and working full time). Rather than shun my immoral lifestyle, they helped out whenever they could... one guy with a lawn business took care of my yard for two years, for FREE. Without any inquiries or invitation to church, btw.
ReplyDeleteGlad the resume is working better. That was a very minimal critique, btw, so if you hit a lull with it down the road, let me know.
; )
If there's a girl out there who can put up with me, more power to her. This is mainly because any gal I meet would have to fall for a die-hard video game/anime geek/otaku with no social conversation skills but makes fun of any movie he sees (good or bad, thanks to MST3K's influence) and will be the first to admit to having two enormous fetishes that any normal, healthy male would have and doesn't feel guilty in indulging in them (as horrible as it sounds in Utah for ANY man to have a hint of sexuality outside of the bedroom).
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately the main reason why I'm nervous about dating is the lack of social skills aspect. I was the one in school who was always shouted down whenever I opened my mouth and even today can never seem to even attempt to get a word in edgewise without getting interrupted, thus I have what I consider to be a "crippling shyness" (so bad that I have a hard time even talking to the girls I home teach). Thank God for the internet (and any form of expression through writing) at least.
I am always happy for people that make the jump to moving out of state. It really is nice to escape the culture a bit and move on though like Clink said there will probably be a bit of culture shock no matter where you go. Culture shock is not always a bad thing though.
ReplyDeleteDo your kids a favor though and move to a state and area with a good education system.
Clink... I've spent most of my life outside of Utah, and I think I'm ready to return, but I suspect there will be culture shock no matter where we go. I think the important things will be: Not assuming that all our problem will go away, and making the effort to get out and meet our neighbors.
ReplyDeleteReina... That'll definitely be high on the list. I think though that as long as they have involved parents, they'll be fine whereever - but any advantage would be good.
Dave P. Actually having read that, there is one girl that springs to mind... If you're interested, shoot me an email, and I'll tell you a little more. Not knowing you that well, I can't say for sure, but she's kind of a cool person - very much a free spirit, but in a good way! urban at urbankoda dot com!
Koda, I totally understand why you want to move out of state. Utah is kind of a crazy place when you are trying to leave the church, as we have discovered. I'll be sad to see you go, but happy that you won't have to deal with all the crap here. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, we won't be leaving any time soon... Remember how the house bubble kinda burst? Well we bought our house just about the month before. We're not upside down in the house, but I doubt we'd walk away with much, if anything if we did have to leave now.
ReplyDeleteI'm big on keeping options open though, and with the way things are right now - my career and the house thing, leaving Utah isn't even an option. So, we hoping to make some changes, and if they pan out, and we still want to experience life in the real world when the do... Perhaps then we'll leave, but it's still a couple of years away at best!
When my husband and I decided to leave the church we so happened to be moving out of state. It made the transition out of Mormonism a lot easier. We still have family to deal with, but it's nice not being harassed by church members. On another note, does Mrs. Koda still attend church?
ReplyDeleteOur Church attendance has been through a lot of change lately...
ReplyDeleteUp until May we had about a 6-9 month period where I went every week to teach Sunday School and she stayed home with the kiddo's. We've found that generally increased attendance for them results in increase sickness to.
In May I asked to be released - The bishop made out like it was his decision to do it, but it wasn't like I was going to take no for an answer. Since then I haven't been at all - nor do I anticipate my going ever again, unless it's for a special occasion.
Since May, Mrs Koda's attendance has increased, but usually it doesn't involve many of the kids. Staying home with Dad is far more fun!! I'm not sure what is motivating her attendance, but I think we've all been at that stage where you're not sure if you should go or shouldn't go, or even what kind of role you want the religion to play in your life.