What I Write

Mrs Koda and I had a wee little chat an Monday... We were in the car with a couple of the young ones when she brought it up, and she was being all secretive about it too... I thought (It was my birthday on Monday) that perhaps it might involve some fun marital type activities in the evening, but it turns out that it was about something completely different...

So the disappointment on the part of yours truly aside, it was actually a rather important type chat, and it's had me thinking a lot.

Since deciding that I'm done with Mormonism, I've been considering things which have here-to-for been forbidden. Nothing too crazy like sexual orgies, illicit drugs or heading to Vegas for a weekend of debauchery and excess. Actually, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I think about sex too much...?

Anyway, so all that crazy stuff aside, things like coffee, tea, and perhaps the odd sip of beer or wine have passed through my mind. I don't want to go on some wild spree, like a teenager let out into the real world who takes everything to excess, but just wondering what I've been missing out on - just the stuff which the rest of the world sees as normal.

Man - what's with all the tangents?!? So what I was trying to get to 3 paragraphs back... Sometimes when I'm at the grocery store, I might check out the coffee makers, or I may check out the beer selections (Which with Utah's liquor laws) is pretty minimal and it's all 3.2%, so I'm not even sure it qualifies as beer. A few weeks back while Mrs Koda, the kids and Grandma where shopping and as they walk by the displays of coffee makers, one of the kids pipes up that "Dad really wants a coffee maker!" which caused Mrs Koda to develop cold sweats and a rapid drop in blood pressure, but garnered the following response from Grandma, "I've always wondered if Hot Chocolate would taste better in one of those too."

Anyway, it was a close call. We've already had the chat with them, that even though we don't attend Church very much any more, it's not something they need to share with Grandma. We talked about how if a lady asked if she looks fat (and she does) saying yes, isn't the best answer. Sometimes we need to consider peoples feelings, and Grandma thinks going to Church is very important. That, and Mom and Dad are a little to scared to share with Grandma that the problems at Church are a little more than "Dad has a few disagreements with the local leaders."

Anyway, so we talked about how much of a lifestyle change we might consider making and what to tell the kids... It was a good little chat, and probably needs some more chatting, but we've decided that until we can come clean with the extended family, that we probably don't want to be putting our kids in difficult situations, or making our problems theirs.

So, after that long introduction...

The conversation got me thinking about the things I blog about.

I've blogged about problems I have with LDS Church History, because much of what I've been taught through my life is a lie, and it's both cathartic to share those things for me, and I hope it helps others deal with these things as well.

I've blogged about my current opinion of Church Leaders, because these are men who put themselves up on pedestals and pay lip service to the idea of truth, meanwhile actively deceiving their followers and lying outright about a lot of things.

I've blogged about the effect of Mormonism on marital relations, especially as it pertains to sexuality in marriages, because that is something which has effect me as well, and I think might be useful for other to hear.

There is other stuff which I will likely blog about, but there are some things which I likely won't blog about.

Mormons have a lot of secret/sacred stuff. A lot of people who leave like to discuss that, and I don't really see a problem with that. Personally though, even though I think I was coerced into a lot of it, I did give my word not to share it at the time, and so I'm not real comfortable discussing it in a public forum. That said however, if anyone really wants to know, I feel that much of that should be discussed, but in a format other than on a blog. You're welcome to contact me if you're curious. That, and discussing this stuff seems to make you a lightning rod for the Mormon Gestapo at headquarters.

Some lifestyle changes. The problem with leaving is that people generally assume that there are only a couple of reasons for leaving Mormonism. Either you've been offended, or you've committed some grievous sin, and can't stand to be around the truth, or you want to commit some grievous sin and have to leave so you don't feel guilty. In my case and most others, none of those apply. I have plenty to be offended about, believe me, but that wasn't why I left. And up until I found out about all the lying and deceit, I was Mr. Good Mormon Boy. Paid my tithing, paid more than I should have in offering and said yes to everything I was asked to do. Mrs. Koda and I have been categorized as one of the 10 families that could be counted on to do what we where told - even in the ward we are currently assigned to - or at least we were. We were good, good Mormons, and so the idea that we left due to sin, or in order to sin is laughable at best.

All that aside though, now that I've moved past all the wacky definitions of sin, I'm curious about what's out there. I don't want admissions of any kind being used as 'reasons' for my apostasy or anything like that, and so I probably won't be blogging much about those either.

The bottom line is... I use this blog to vent my frustrations, but as time goes on, I want it to serve as a support within the community of those who leave Mormonism. I got to spend some time with a couple of fellow ex-mo bloggers this past weekend, and there was something remarkably comforting about being amongst people who've been where you have been and are on a similar path to you. It makes you not feel alone, and justifies your decisions in many ways.

I suspect many remain in Mormonism because they're too afraid to leave, too afraid what it will do to their families, and the impact it will have on their social and cultural environments. I hope to help free those people, as I work towards freeing myself.