Hot and Cold

Several leaders of the LDS Church have made comments to the effect that the organization is either the true Church of God, or it is the biggest fraud in the history of the world.

I don't know if I'd go as far as calling it the biggest fraud in the history of the world. Perhaps Christianity in general could bear that distinction, but Mormonism while significant to some people, really isn't that big.

The thing is, that the evidence would seem to suggest that it isn't 100% true, and therefore if you apply the logic of it's leaders, it must be false.

One of the best things about leaving, is the addition of color to my thinking. For too long, there was only black or white, but now there is a whole lot more. People aren't just good or bad and choices are either right or wrong. The whole world is just so much more than that, with more to consider, account for and appreciate.

When I found out Mormonism wasn't true, I tried to be luke warm about it. I'd go along with it for the sake of my family, and community relations. I mean, the Church does do some good stuff, so it can't be all bad.

One of the things which my father said to me, in the midst of the 'discussion' about whether I would allow him to come into my home and correct my erroneous understanding of the gospel, was that I had to choose. I couldn't be half in half out. I either had to commit 100%, or request to have my name removed from the Church records.

I thought he was wrong at the time, but he was right.

Mormonism isn't the real world. Mormonism is a state of mind, where everything is black and white, and every minute detail of your life is manipulated and judged by God and his assistants - actually it's mostly by his assistants - the bishops, presidents, and even your neighbors.

My time trying to straddle the Mormon fence didn't last very long, and I arrived at the point where I had to choose to be 100% in or leave.

The thing is though, when I try and explain that, other Mormons just don't get it, and to be fair, I don't quite get it either. If church attendance is voluntary, which did I feel I had to choose.

I think I've figured it out though, and in the process, I think I'm closer to identifying the key reason behind my not wanting to be a part of it as well.

It all comes down to loyalty. A lot of people don't like the word cult, but since the last big conference, where 2 speakers rehashed a talk about blind obedience to the leader, and the need to sacrifice thinking for obedience, I think cult may be an appropriate description.

One of the other items I've seen in cult descriptions is the concept of loyalty tests. You know how when a young man joins a gang, sometimes they'll ask him to do stuff, to prove his loyalty? Mormonism is kind of the same.

Mormons have temple recommends. It's a piece of paper which gives you access to the temple. It's the ultimate loyalty test I think.

The problem was... I didn't have one, causing doubt in the leaders minds about my loyalty to the cause.

So they came up with other tests. Little things here and there... Will you do this? Will you do that?

I've noticed it even with friends who find out I'm not active anymore. They want to know why, and they feel the need to check on aspects of my belief which they feel I should have.

Loyalty tests... The continued testing of my local leaders and neighbors is what drove me out.

And that made me consider my reasons for leaving.

There are historical issues. The founder was a sexual deviant, a con man and an all around charleton. But he did actually have some good ideas and teachings, and when you go back in any religion, there are skeletons in the closet. Mormonism is just nice and new, so the skeletons are easy to find.

But that wasn't it.

They purposefully lie about the history though. Fabricate more appealing versions of history, and intentionally prevent members from seeing evidence of the more disturbing history.

"Some things which are true, do not need to be shared."

I used to think that was why I left. It was the lying and the dishonesty.

But every organization lies to protect it's members. Doesn't mean it's right, but it's just a fact.

What bugs me most, is the manipulation. That ties into the lying, because they lie to manipulate. They also induce fear, prey on insecurities and invoke peer pressure.

I don't like being used, and yet I was raised in a way which made me a prime target. I'm still battling it.

Good Mormons are raised to be used and abused. Cannon fodder for the good of the corporation.